Ordinary?

The title of my blog is "Contemplations of an Ordinary World", but I have to say, most of the time I don't feel so ordinary. It's kind of strange. I'm in every way a normal middle class white guy who grew up in the suburbs of Connecticut, with a fairly normal family and a fairly normal upbringing, and you probably couldn't tell the difference between me and the next guy.

But every day I feel less and less "normal", but not in a bad, or disturbed sort of way. Rather in a way that makes me feel like a sort of social outcast. There are many things I disagree with about modern society, and in many ways I long for the sort of days of old which I can only imagine. When there were no Walmarts and no Targets and no such things as cars or computers. I know it sounds strange, but that's what I'm getting at. That's why I feel such a connection with nature and the environment, and that's why I look at developing countries and people who've never heard of television, and rather than think they have it rough, I think they might just have it right, and I hate the fact that the western world is creeping in on them. Don't get me wrong, there are things about modern life that are great, like my contact lenses and running water and antibiotics, but that's not really my point.

I started thinking about this today because it's my birthday. And people make such big deals about birthdays, but to me it's just another day. And because I hate the commercialism of every sort of holiday, it might just give me one reason to wish my birthday was another day. I think I said this last year, if I could have anything it would be the gift of time. Of simplicity. Of a day in the park with my fiance, doing whatever it is that people do when they don't watch TV and aren't checking their voice mails.

At work today they had the monthly birthday celebration, and the guy running it didn't have any singing or games, he simply put out pie and ice cream and said have at it, enjoy. To me that was great. I don't like attention drawn to myself. Afterwards someone came up to me and asked if I felt slighted because no one sang to me. I said no, I preferred it that way. He said well then you probably are waiting for the gifts to enjoy. He asked if I had gotten any good gifts. I said no, not yet. And (to myself) I honestly prefer it that way. I got a phone call from my mom and my fiance's mom, checking to see what I did and if my day was special and what my plans were. I was just hoping for time to go for a bike ride before the sun went down.

Am I that (un) ordinary? I don't want anything special. I just want to be ordinary, and live a simple life. But sometimes that doesn't seem so ordinary.