My Biggest Fear
I've realized that my biggest fear is of getting old and realizing that life has passed me by. I know we all fall into the trap of being so tired and overworked that all the things we want to do end up on a list of things to do later. And we keep putting them off.
I shouldn't complain, I have a very good life compared to many, but I also have different goals and different things I want to accomplish that most. I've realized that my future won't be in an office, that money and a nice car won't make me happy. I've also realized that giving it all up and constantly chasing a dream won't bring happiness either. I know that it's something that comes from within. I could make a list of a hundred "happiness is ..." phrases, but they are all moments in time, they are the past, and I find myself waiting for the next one.
I'm constantly complaining about work, and about the people I work with. All that seems to drive them is money, bits and pieces of instant gratification, and what will come down the road. They assume I want a bigger salary and want to be someone's boss. I don't. And the thing I wonder is when you're you're forty or forty five years old, how long have you been telling yourself that a payoff will come? I understand sacrifice, I understand working for a goal, but at what cost does it come?
Where does the compromise end? How much of yourself and your life are you willing to give to have it better later on? These are the things that I struggle with daily. Yes, my job has made it some I can treat myself and my wife to nice dinners and so that we can look forward to a nice weekend away. But my biggest fear is still that I will get old too quick and feel like I didn't accomplish my personal goals, and that I spent too much time waiting for tomorrow.
I shouldn't complain, I have a very good life compared to many, but I also have different goals and different things I want to accomplish that most. I've realized that my future won't be in an office, that money and a nice car won't make me happy. I've also realized that giving it all up and constantly chasing a dream won't bring happiness either. I know that it's something that comes from within. I could make a list of a hundred "happiness is ..." phrases, but they are all moments in time, they are the past, and I find myself waiting for the next one.
I'm constantly complaining about work, and about the people I work with. All that seems to drive them is money, bits and pieces of instant gratification, and what will come down the road. They assume I want a bigger salary and want to be someone's boss. I don't. And the thing I wonder is when you're you're forty or forty five years old, how long have you been telling yourself that a payoff will come? I understand sacrifice, I understand working for a goal, but at what cost does it come?
Where does the compromise end? How much of yourself and your life are you willing to give to have it better later on? These are the things that I struggle with daily. Yes, my job has made it some I can treat myself and my wife to nice dinners and so that we can look forward to a nice weekend away. But my biggest fear is still that I will get old too quick and feel like I didn't accomplish my personal goals, and that I spent too much time waiting for tomorrow.
2 Comments:
At 8:26 AM, Margaret said…
I may be a tad younger than you, but feel the same way sometimes. Often, I just put off everything and go out and play.
I believe we're here for a reason, although I don't know my own personal purpose I know that I can shine light on a greater purpose even when sitting in an office or going about my day to day stuff.
You seem to already have recognized there is more to life than chasing the dollar or having stuff. Take some time to chase after that once in a while and you'll be fine.
Dr. John, a good buddy of mine is now retired and spends his time chasing his wife around. =O) She tried to ditch him in the Home Depot once, but he found her nonetheless.
Guess it's love that really makes the world go round and all the work worthwhile. =O)
At 4:11 PM, FRIDAY'S CHILD said…
I often have the same feelings. I have things better than others but I still complain about it. I have tried to overcome this kind of feelings and complaining because it does not do good to people around you and especially to ourselves. It's good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it's good too, to check up once in a while and make sure that you haven't lost the things that money can't buy.
Just dropping by to say hello from Dr. John.
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