Fear
Recently I have been reading a lot about conscious living, mainly on Steve Pavlina's blog. A friend of mine turned me on to it. The two of us talk quite often about wanting more out of life and not being content just to work and exist like most people. For a long time I have been thinking of getting out of an office job and into something more fulfilling. But things always pushed it off. When I first started working after college back in 2001, I thought I'd work for a couple years, save money, then go off traveling somewhere. Then of course I met my wife. Then my dreams became ours. We talked about saving money and going off doing something fun and extraordinary. But we had to take care of a bunch of stuff first. We had to save money, she wanted to get her degree, then after that it was planning our wedding. Then off course saving money again, getting out of debt. And always things come up. Car payments, new stuff for the apartment, spend money on this or on that. And now finally, we are getting divorced. So we have to make sure we separate without either of us getting screwed over. Soon back to single life, no more shared bills, getting back "on my feet".
It's life. And still the whole time I have had my dreams. I am starting to think all the past 6 years have been preparation for what's coming. This is what I'm hoping at least, maybe I have come full circle to being single again so I can get back to basics and focus on fulfilling my dreams instead of merely thinking of them.
Anyway, to get back to my point, my friend who I talk about all this with says that fear plays a large role in the way we live. For instance, in my case, I've wanted all these things and justified to myself why I don't have them. She says if you strip it all away it comes down to fear. Basically my life has been this way because I live in fear. When she first told me I totally disagreed, but now I totally agree. Here's why:
I was thinking in terms of fear and "being afraid" which I disagreed with. I would justify saying I need to save money and this or that is going on at work and I can't quit my job just yet or I can't ask to work flex time because I'd never get it. Or another thing is that I say I have a strong work ethic and don't life to disappoint my co-workers or my boss. And she simply says "It's all about fear" and I say "No, it's not, I have no fear, I'm realisic and have respect for others." But now I realize that it DOES come down to fear. Not the physical fear I initially thought about, but a deep seeded fear of letting people down, of disappointing, or not living up to expectations. I give them my respect and try to live up to their expectations of me, but in turn I don't live up to my own. It's not unique, I think most people are like this. Same goes for the past 7 years of my life. Excuses or complaints are for the most part how we justify our fears. It's sort of like dating and trying to meet people (something I need to get better at in Phase II of my life now), I will see someone I would like to talk to, but I don't. Why don't I? I make an excuse... "Nothing would come of it", or "I'll have nothing to say". But the real reason? Fear. There it is.
If you think about it, any one of us at any time could say, "This is it, I need change, I quit", and we could start doing exactly what we've always wanted to do. But why don't we? Because at some level we have a fear, a fear of the unknown, a fear of not making the right choice, a fear of letting people down.
It took me a while to wrap my head around it, but now I do truly believe we can manifest our intentions. Listen to Steve Pavlina's podcast about fear and it will make sense.
In a strange way now I feel sort of empowered. In the back of my mind I've decided to not take any shit at work, not get suckered into deadlines and things of that sort. It's sort of a first step for me. I've realized that my boss is no longer in control of me, I am in control of him. What's the worst that happens? Getting fired I suppose, though that's extreme and will not happen in my case. Loss of respect? Maybe. But who loses and who gains? I gain. I gain my freedom and control of my will and my desires.
I am going to post an excerpt from a book I'm reading by Paulo Coelho called The Pilgrim in a little while, which is what made me think of all this.
It's life. And still the whole time I have had my dreams. I am starting to think all the past 6 years have been preparation for what's coming. This is what I'm hoping at least, maybe I have come full circle to being single again so I can get back to basics and focus on fulfilling my dreams instead of merely thinking of them.
Anyway, to get back to my point, my friend who I talk about all this with says that fear plays a large role in the way we live. For instance, in my case, I've wanted all these things and justified to myself why I don't have them. She says if you strip it all away it comes down to fear. Basically my life has been this way because I live in fear. When she first told me I totally disagreed, but now I totally agree. Here's why:
I was thinking in terms of fear and "being afraid" which I disagreed with. I would justify saying I need to save money and this or that is going on at work and I can't quit my job just yet or I can't ask to work flex time because I'd never get it. Or another thing is that I say I have a strong work ethic and don't life to disappoint my co-workers or my boss. And she simply says "It's all about fear" and I say "No, it's not, I have no fear, I'm realisic and have respect for others." But now I realize that it DOES come down to fear. Not the physical fear I initially thought about, but a deep seeded fear of letting people down, of disappointing, or not living up to expectations. I give them my respect and try to live up to their expectations of me, but in turn I don't live up to my own. It's not unique, I think most people are like this. Same goes for the past 7 years of my life. Excuses or complaints are for the most part how we justify our fears. It's sort of like dating and trying to meet people (something I need to get better at in Phase II of my life now), I will see someone I would like to talk to, but I don't. Why don't I? I make an excuse... "Nothing would come of it", or "I'll have nothing to say". But the real reason? Fear. There it is.
If you think about it, any one of us at any time could say, "This is it, I need change, I quit", and we could start doing exactly what we've always wanted to do. But why don't we? Because at some level we have a fear, a fear of the unknown, a fear of not making the right choice, a fear of letting people down.
It took me a while to wrap my head around it, but now I do truly believe we can manifest our intentions. Listen to Steve Pavlina's podcast about fear and it will make sense.
In a strange way now I feel sort of empowered. In the back of my mind I've decided to not take any shit at work, not get suckered into deadlines and things of that sort. It's sort of a first step for me. I've realized that my boss is no longer in control of me, I am in control of him. What's the worst that happens? Getting fired I suppose, though that's extreme and will not happen in my case. Loss of respect? Maybe. But who loses and who gains? I gain. I gain my freedom and control of my will and my desires.
I am going to post an excerpt from a book I'm reading by Paulo Coelho called The Pilgrim in a little while, which is what made me think of all this.
Labels: fear, intention manifestation
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