Corporate Bureaucracies

Once again my job is annoying the hell out of me. It's really a tough situation because, as I've said before, I don't hate the work I do or the people I work with, I hate the bureaucratic crap that comes along with it. Like a stupid ass VP of Technology who sneaks around looking over people's shoulders making sure they're not surfing the web and making sure they're in the office at the appropriate times. You don't ever see him actually doing it, but then about once a month, word comes down that he's observed people not adhering to the rules. What a bunch of crap. My superior (otherwise known as my boss, but I hate when people call their superior/supervisor "boss", it makes them sounds like they're under their control) breaks the news and even agrees that it's stupid, and as he puts it we're all professionals and he judges us by our productivity and output, not by what he catches us with on our screen, which is the way it should be.

And this stupid ass VP, he won't even tell the offenders directly. He sends word out through the grapevine, which really only makes people think he's more of an ass. All it really does is make me more careful. I still do whatever the hell I want to. To be honest, whenever I'm goofing off, I really do feel guilty, because I am a professional with a good work ethic. But when this once a month comes around, I always make sure to be a little less productive, just to spite the bureaucracy. I could either spend 15 minutes online doing who knows what, then getting down to business. Or I could be pissed off and sneak around a few times a day, then zone out and daydream, then think about the stupid senior staff who seem to forget about what it was like to be regular once they achieve their lofty positions. So really all the big brother stuff is quite effective, as you can probably tell. Especially since I'm writing this at 11:00 am on a Friday. You do the math.

Another way I justify my goofing of is that I'm not a smoker who spends 15 every two hours outside. I'm not a social butterfly who flutters around the office talking to people all day. I don't yap on the phone all day long. And also, I don't get as much time off as I should, and at that I don't ever use up all my sick days. So I figure I'm entitled to some brainless web surfing time.

Anyone know of a company that's hiring? That is, a company that values their people and productivity over their appearances?

Politics, Religion, Greed, Ignorance

In a way, I'm not surprised that we're in this situation that we're in over in the Middle East. We come from a country of arrogance, where enough is not enough, and where the vast majority of people grow up taking things for granted and lacking the understanding that not all of the world works the same way we do. Not that there aren't these problems in any other society, but we are a supposedly advanced and progressive society and should be held above the rest of the world's standards. It's kind of like being a supporter of human rights and then abusing prisoners in federal custody. Yea.

I believe it's a combination of politics, religion, greed, and just plain ignorance. People who are overly political or overly religious are so caught up in their beliefs that they fail to grasp the concept that not everyone believes in their God or their Ideals. As for greed and ignorance, I'm not sure whether it's already present and predisposes people to adopt their beliefs, or if their beliefs lead to greed and ignorance. Hmm... Sadly enough, I think the leader of our country is perhaps guilty of all. In fact I recall reading something about how God helped him in his decision to invade Iraq. How a conservative Christian can use this as justification for invading an area of the World well known to be majority Muslim, I'm not sure.

I understand the concept of liberation, and that the freedom of oppressed people falls on the shoulders of the strong, but it needs to be considered that some people don't want to be "liberated", at least not on our terms. Here in America we supposedly have the freedom to worship whatever God we want, and we accept democracy because we've been born into it. Because this is standard here, it doesn't mean that it's our duty to enforce this elsewhere, although history might tell another story.

I can see why people hate America. We have a tendency to be contradictory, disrepspectful, and ignorant. Don't get me wrong, I do not dislike America. Every day that goes by, and the more I learn and try to understand the way the World works, the more I am grateful that I was born an American. I agree with what We stand for, but I don't agree with many of the current goings on. I won't go into more specific details, but there are plenty.

I recently overheard someone who is a former US Marine make reference to "towelies" and "red dots". In the past I've heard the same person talk about "ni@@ers". And I know this is the attitude of a least some military people. Is this who we want representing America in a foreign land? I've heard people who say we should just go over to Iraq and bomb them. What?!? It just boggles my mind that people are this stupid, and that's why it doesn't shock me that we're in the current situation, and why people across the world hate us. If I was in their shoes, I probably would too.

Talent and Intelligence

Some people are really talented, and it never ceases to amaze me. Even though I still think a good majority of the people in the world are idiots, every now and then I meet or learn of people who are quite intelligent and have a lot to offer.

I'm not saying anything about my own intelligence, but I like to think that it at least means something that I take the time to think about things, have independent thoughts, and have at least some degree of concern about the world that surrounds me. Most of the time, no matter what I'm doing, whether it be driving, working, or people watching, it never ceases to amaze me how so many idiots make it as far as they do. I see some pretty stupid stuff (like most of what's on network television.)

The other day I borrowed the relatively new Bad Religion CD from a co-worker. He made mention that it contains a rather large amount of anti-Bush lyrics. In the past I've noticed that their lyrics are pretty intelligent, so I figured I'd delve a bit into the history of the band. I've never been a huge Bad Religion fan, and although I like their music, I admittedly don't know much about the band members or their history.

I did a google search about their singer, Greg Graffin, and it turns out that he's quite an interesting guy. He has a Masters Degree is Paleoanthropology (or something), a PhD in Evolutionary Biology, and has taught classes at Cornell. His PhD project about Evolution and Religion can be found here.

I was amazed to learn of this. I know that musicians (real musicians) and lyricists (not those who write "Oops, I did it again"), are usually pretty intelligent. But this amazed me. To start a band at age 15 "in response to the mediocrity and brainlessness of late-Cold War suburbia" and then go on to a 20+ year career in the industry, along with obtaining multiple advanced degrees, is quite astounding. It certainly changes my opinion of what I had thought was just a group of guys enjoying a long career in the world of punk music.

A Quest

Lately I've been on a quest for something, although I can't really put my finger on what.  Every once in a while something happens, I see something or hear about something, and I get a feeling, though it's a bit strange.  I think I'm seeking more fulfillment in my life, not in an unhappy with my life sort of way, but on a more personal level.  I get these feelings that say I should be doing something different with my time, something that would bring me greater satisfaction.

I do a lot of reading, spend a lot of time outside, stuff like that, and that all makes me feel good.  Escaping into a good book or learning about something new is a nice release, as is getting out of the hustle and bustle and finding myself alone on a trail in the mountains.  I've even been searching for a different job, but the problem is that I want to keep doing what I'm doing (software), but maybe work with a non-profit or a company that has a purpose.  My problem is that I'm caught a bit in the middle; my training is in high tech and computers, which really isn't a "make a difference in the world" sort of field.  But I've worked hard and I'm afraid to give up the progress that I've made, to take a lesser paying and lesser demanding job in return for greater personal fulfillment.

I don't dislike my job, I just feel like most people that work in environments like this become deadened in a way.  Things become so routine that any creative forces in their lives slowly fade away.  The little things that bring people pleasure, real and meaningful pleasure, disappear.  It happens to everybody.

These feelings that I'm talking about are feelings that I get when I hear about genuine good in the world, or about people who genuinely need to be helped or who make a difference.  I want to know that I've helped someone who truly appreciates it, something that I can't say I've really done before.

There is this guy, I'm assuming he's homeless, and I pass him on the way to work every morning.  There are plenty of homeless people here, and I've never felt bad for any of them until this one guy.  In general, I don't like the way that a lot transients beg and expect to be helped, and then seem irritated when you ignore them.  But this guy, who I've seen in the same place every morning for at least a year, has an entirely different demeaner.  He stands holding a sign, but his body language says that he doesn't expect anything.  He has this neutral stare, he doesn't make eye contact, but he doesn't look away.  He's older, and his hair is long enough to be in a ponytail under the hat he wears, and he's kind of a beard goatee.  But the thing that caught my attention about him is that he is always standing.  I've never seen him sit.  And over time I've noticed his hair seem to get a bit more grey, and now he uses a cane for support, and he's more hunched over than he used to be.  Every few weeks or so his clothes change.  But other than that, he's always there, and always the same.  I don't know what this means, but I've actually thought about asking him if he needs anything, old clothes, or food or something.  I truly wonder what has brought him the this point.

When I see someone like him, that's when I feel like what I do isn't important enough.  And that's why I'm searching, hoping I can find something that will bring me more fulfillment.

Outrageous home prices

When I moved to San Diego in 2001, I remember being shocked at how expensive it was to own a home in the area. The average single family home was selling for somewhere in the range of $270,000 and about 25% of people could actually afford to buy one. Since then I have been hearing new figures as they come out, and I was flabbergasted when the cost reached over $300,000. At this level, owning a home here was definately out of my reach.

Last month I heard the latest figures. The average cost for a single family home in San Diego county is now $560,000. And 11% of people can afford this. This percentage was a 4% drop since the previous month. So what is going on in San Diego? Is it possible that 89% of people are renting or living well beyond their means? With an average price this outrageous, I wouldn't even be able to afford a house in a low income area. And I really don't think it's possible that 9 out of 10 people live in apartments and condos. But I suppose these figures only support all the new studies about rising debt levels, and people thinking they're getting bigger and better homes while the interest rates are low, not realizing that when rates go up years down the road they suddenly won't be able to afford their payments anymore.

But either way, these figures are absurd. Last I knew, people who owned homes worth half a million dollars weren't average. And the crazy thing is that homes are being bought within days of going on the market, for more than they are listed at, all because the demand is so high. I just don't get it.

I suppose the only reason it can happen is because of supply and demand, so obviously the demand is greater than the supply. I understand that people want to live in San Diego - it has great weather - but seriously, for half a million dollars? And to still be average at that?

Pretty soon the disparity here between rich and poor, or in this case, rich and normal, is going to be absurd. With all the talk of the economy and job shortages, how are people pushing the real estate market of Southern California to these levels?

I've spoken with people at work who are near retirement age, and they could either stay in San Diego and work until 65, retire, and still have their house payments. Or they could retire today, several years early, sell their home, move to a more affordable place out of Southern California and buy a house outright.

I must be missing something.

Silence is golden

I've met people who assume that because I tend to be a quiet person that I am either disinterested or unfriendly, or both. I suppose that in certain cases, either can be true, but usually they are not. As for being disinterested, it's quite the contrary. I'm usually very interested, but I sometimes tend to observe a situation rather than interact in it. Doing so allows me to "get a feeling for people." Yes, preconceived notions can be wrong and inappropriate, but honestly, in my experience these notions are usually not far off the mark. And as for being unfriendly, isn't just possible to having nothing to say?

People have a problem with nothing. Nothing to say, nothing to do. It's like everyone has a case of ADD. Personally, I could sit and not say a word for days. I like to watch people, I like to observe situations. Years ago I was preparing for a cross country trip, and several people commented that I would be bored to death going alone. Five entire days lacking direct human contact, other than hotel desk clerks. Well, I had one of the greatest times of my life. Stayed at hotels alone, ate breakfast lunch and dinner alone, explored new cities alone. Sometimes nothing is ok. Nothing to do relieves stress, unless of course there are important things to be done, in which case you should just do them. Having nothing to say simply makes you an observer, an act that more people should learn.

I have always had strong feelings about this. I believe that people who talk for the sake of talking are self centered and in some way, consciously or not, seeking approval, and are even quite possibly insecure. The people in my life whose company I've come to enjoy most are those I can spend time with without feeling as though I need to talk. It is true also that with silence comes a level of comfort and understanding, a realization that things can be enjoyed as they are. It should be noted that there is of course a difference between engaging in a meaningful conversation and talking for the sole purpose of talking.

Being quiet is an underrated quality. In a group setting, it's usually obvious who enjoys taking things in and observing the situation, and who needs to just talk, regardless of whether or not it's meaningless blather streaming out their mouth. It often seems that the people who have the most interesting things to talk about or the most intelligent things to say are the ones that you can never get to share them. In this regard it's as the ancient Lao Tse supposedly said, "Those who know, do not speak. Those who speak, do not know."

After all this, I have to admit that I am often guilty of these things myself. There are times when I find myself rambling about something with no particular direction, and there are times when I tend to spew facts I've just learned, usually to someone who could care less about them. In these situations I have to remind myself to stop. In fact, it seems like I'm beginning to ramble with no particular direction right now...

San Diego is an interesting place

San Diego is an interesting place. At my apartment which is near the beach, the temperature will rarely ever drop below 40 degrees, and rarely rises above 80. For the most part it is sunny every day, and it rains maybe 10 times a year, probably less. There are palm trees lining the streets, and yards with green grass aplenty. In the winter, I could easily get in my car and leave the comfortable 70 degrees and perfect coastal surf conditions, and within an hour be in a foot of snow in the mountains; from where I could then leave and within another hour be sitting poolside in the middle of the desert enjoying a hot 90 degree day. For these reasons and more, San Diego is known as "America's Finest City."

The striking thing about it is that aside from the weather, most everything that people have come to associate with San Diego is artificial. The water that comes out of my tap is imported from the north. The grass that grows in people's yards is only there because it has been planted and is watered regularly; without this watering it would resemble the natural Southern California landscape, brown and dry. The palm trees that line the streets are not native. I think that the flowers which are perpetually blooming are just as confused as the New Englander in me; they don't know what season it is. San Diego is naturally a desert. The only place where you will see San Diego in its original state is at the waters edge (even this is probably stretching it, as the ocean is probably too polluted to be considered natural, and coastal development has probably altered the state of the naturally occurring beaches) and in the canyons, where cactus and other aptly suited vegetation cling to life, and the steep canyon walls make it impossible for any sort of sprawling development.

It also seems as though all the people around here good looking, which in most places is obviously not the norm. Along with this, it's a rare occurrence that you meet someone that was actually born and raised here. With the fair exception of the indigenous people of the Southern California region, people have moved in from elsewhere over the last hundred years or so. The weather may be great for those seeking year round outdoor activity, but really it is a harsh climate, where humans would have a difficult time surviving if it weren't for the modern innovations which allow cities as we know them thrive.

I realize that most cities worldwide are in some way or another in the same situation, but something just seems strange when a place in which it is normal to go 6 months without a drop of rain can really sustain the millions of people which it does. And the amazing thing is that this city is still growing rapidly, and urban sprawl is becoming a major issue. In all aspects, it really is an artificial paradise here, for now.

This afternoon I was out hiking, and from 1500 feet up I was able to look down upon the city, and there across the expansive view was a distinct thin grey line of smog stretching across the horizon. Four years or so I remember seeing that in Los Angeles, and I remember being somewhat disturbed by how the smog could hang there like that on an otherwise picture perfect blue sky day. And now each time I observe that here, it makes me wonder if the artificial paradise that has been created here is slowly deteriorating.

The universe

The universe is thought to be made up of billions of galaxies. We speculate that a single one of those galaxies contains billions of stars. In just one of those galaxies there is known to be a solar system, which itself is made up of planets and stars. One of these planets, as we know, is called Earth. This is hard to comprehend, and the concept of time is incomprehensible on this scale. Just measuring distance between points requires an understanding of millions of light years.

So it is all just there, a great energy in space. Somehow within all of this, our Earth maintains a balance of life. This in itself is quite difficult to grasp, knowing that it is all just spinning in a massive and empty space. When you consider these statements, life itself seems quite miraculous. Then entire human existance is really not even a speck in the total of the universe. And a single lifetime is insignificant compared to that speck. But to people, time is relative. We've been put here and given something that most creatures don't have; the ability to understand, speculate, contemplate, and have conscious thought. It's all quite hard to fathom.

It seems that for the most part, the majority of society doesn't take advantage of this. Lives are judged by unnatural standards; financial success, consumption, and material possessions. We push the limits of the natural world, and in the process it seems as though we are destined to destroy it. We are the only species that seems motivated by these desires. Other species simply exist, as they are innately programmed to do. They have a naturalness to their lives, and their existance is exactly that.

As humans, we have some extraordinary abilities, but it sometimes seems that they will drive us to a breaking point. Of course, there have been many discoveries, achievements, and successes in the history of mankind, and as part of our existence, curiousity of the new and unknown seems natural. But at the core of life, we are really just another species on this planet, and we should try to accept this.

It's good to step back every now and then. To ponder the universe is exciting, as there is plenty to be amazed about. It gives a feeling of connectedness to our surroundings and the world we live in. Success is often judged by how much, how big, how far things have come or gone. It seems that we should learn to enjoy this life we have rather than invent ways to destroy it.