Freeway traffic

I was driving from work to the gym last night, and per usual for commute time here in San Diego, there was traffic on the freeway. Normally I just try to be a respectful driver and because I am only going 2 exits I stay in the right lane, rather than move left to pass a few cars and just cut back in. But the right lane was crawling, so I switched lanes and probably saved myself about 5 minutes, only to realize that traffic was backed up up off the exit I needed to get off. I contemplated putting my right blinker on and forcing my way in like most a-holes do, but I figured since it pisses me off to no end when everyone else does, I sucked it up and just cruised past the exit to prove a point to myself.

It really irritates my when people have blatant disregard for the people around them, especially on the road. Like the people who cut across three lanes on a regular street to hit the left turn lane at a light, which is already full so they can't get into it, but instead they just hang their ass out and block the traffic going straight, when it would be easier for all parties involved if they just proceeded through that light and made a U-turn an entire 100 yards ahead.

So back to my trip to the gym. I passed my exit. Imagine that! It was so difficult that I went to the next exit, got off, got back the freeway coming in the direction I had just come from, and then sailed off the proper exit and proceeded to the gym. What a considerate driver I am, huh?

The Good Life

What is the Good Life? Is it having the most and the best of everything? Sometimes that's the way it seems. Popular American cultures sends a barrage of advertising, both subliminal and direct, telling you that you need to be a good consumer. You need the newest fastest computer, the latest and greatest cell phone, the fastest and nicest car. And people buy into this, literally and figuratively. Accumulating wealth works hand in hand with elevated social status.

Even the goverment buys into it. Potential tax cuts claim to put more money into consumer pockets, as if consumption isn't high enough already. Supposedly this stimulates the econonmy. I believe that really all it does is make the rich richer and the poor poorer. American (or more specificially, the rich) consumption statistics are both staggering and have reached disgusting. I've seen different figures, and a quick google search yielded this.

To put it simply, "Americans are spoiled." Yet we are what much of the rest of the world strives to be. Westernization is taking over. Granted, we do have freedoms that others can only dream of. The right to vote. The right to free speech. The right to choose a religion and practice it without persecution. (Although we are still One Nation Under God). Not that this system doesn't have a few blemishes. It could use some cleaning up. But still, it's there. But to Us, it's not enough.

The problem started when morality and values were given up at the hands of materialism and consumerism. Want and need are natural. But want should justify need, and acquisition should be a satisfying experience. However, many people acquire material goods and don't reap anything other than short term satisfaction. So it becomes a cycle. We need to learn to be satisfied. Learn to be happy. Or more accurately, we need to remember how to do these things. Forget what the high speed pace of modern America and the never ending quest for more has instilled in us.

I'm guilty too. I drive a nicer car than I should (since I've spent the past 3 years paying for it, I'm going to keep it, but my next car will be environmentally friendly), and I have a cell phone and I work in the tech industry. But my excuse is that none of this defines me. I haven't acquired my car as a status symbol and it doesn't make me feel like a better person. I use my cell phone simply for convenience, never using it as an accessory. I work in technology because I am good at it, and I don't believe that at its core technology is bad. It's an extension of a lifetime of curious minds, signifying human progression through time.

I was recently asked what I wanted for my birthday. I initially said nothing. But I feel bad saying that, because gift giving brings warmth to people. I have always favored small thoughtful gifts to lavish unnecessary ones. But I don't really need anything. So I thought about it, and truthfully, if I could have anything I want, I would ask for time and vacation. That's it. These are two things that I don't seem to have enough of.

All of this culminates in my small obsession with travel (more specifically, learning about new places and cultures), and feeling a desire to get away from America, for a time at least. I want to witness a lifestyle built around complete and total happiness, rather than the elusive quest for it. I want to see people who live without the amenities which we consider necessary. I want less options, not more. My friend Shannon put it this way. "I want to go somewhere where people value each other and their community and are thankful for the simplicities of life. I want to farm and till the land by day and write and socialize with townfolk at night." The farming and tilling may be more figurative, but nonetheless, the point is the same.

That sounds like the Good Life.

The way to be wrong is to think you control it

I found the below quote from John Steinbeck. It is an excerpt, the rest can be found here.

"When I was very young and the urge to be someplace else was on me, I was assured by mature people that maturity would cure this itch. When years described me as mature, the remedy prescribed was middle age. In middle age I was assured that greater age would calm my fever and now that I am fifty-eight perhaps senility will do the job. Nothing has worked . . . once a bum always a bum. I fear the disease is incurable. I set this matter down not to instruct others but to inform myself. . .

Once a journey is designed, equipped, and put in process, a new factor enters and takes over. A trip, a safari, an exploration, is an entity, different from all other journeys. It has personality, temperament, individuality, uniqueness. A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. Tour masters, schedules, reservations, brass-bound and inevitable, dash themselves to wreckages on the personality of the trip. Only when this is recognized can the blown-in-the-glass bum relax and go along with it. Only then do the frustrations fall away. In this a journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. I feel better now, having said this, although only those who have experienced it will understand it."

- John Steinbeck

Interestingly I said in a previous post that I was going to try to stop trying to control situations and accept things as they come. Finding this quote now was ironic. I'm far from being a traveler, but this quote I think can be applied to many things, including the journey of life in general. The feeling of anticipation of things to come or the feeling of excitement while looking forward to any event. The emotions which you always assume time will take care of. Sometimes it does and sometimes not so much.

Although I'm only 25 (for 3 more days) so how could I know. That's what I mean. Giving up control to let the Journey lay itself out to me. Giving up control and letting the cards be dealt. Sometimes I have problems doing this, but I have recently been reminded to be happy with what there is. Stop wanting and longing for things, and you will be happy with what you have.

I sat outside this evening relaxing, enjoying the air as the evening rolled in. Just me in a chair with a book, and nothing else, except a glass of wine. It was nice. The breeze came in from the west, and although I couldn't smell it because of my stuffed up nose, I am assuming that even after the mile it traveled from the ocean it still had the subtle smell that reminds you that the ocean is indeed there. I read for about 20 minutes and I watched the clouds block out the sun as it went down.

By the way, since I started my New Approach, things have been much easier.

I should look into relocating to France

I know these days a lot of people claim to hate the French, but with their lagging work ethic maybe they know something we don't. Either way, this is a great article.

My new approach

I have a new approach to life these days. I'm trying to not let the little things bother me, and to not try to control every situation and make it perfect. When in the past I would get worked up if something didn't work out the way I wanted it too, now I try to accept it and move on. I'm trying to apply this to all aspects of my life, including simple common activities like driving, eating out, and traveling. So far it's working, but the true test will be when I take my next big trip, since being in a city where I'm not familiar with anything can tend to stress me out.

As an example, I've always had a problem trying to park my car. It sounds weird, but here in San Diego, everything is so busy, that I end up driving around forever looking for a spot, and then when I find one, I miss it because I think I can find a better one. Needless to say, it only annoys me and the people I'm with, so I don't do it anymore. I find a spot and settle, and everything is a-ok.

I have a similar problem with new restaurants and ordering food. When I try a new restaraunt, I get an idea in my head of how it should be, the food, the ambiance, etc, and then if it's not that, it ruins my time. I also have a problem ordering food. When I order, I always think that I should have ordered something different. But again, I'm better about that now too, and I enjoy each place I go and each meal I get.

I'm also working on my indecisiveness. I've begun to step up and make executive decisions when in the past I would leave the decision to someone else. I know that everyone, including indecisive people themselves, is bothered when someone can't make a decision.

On a different note, my mom and my brother in town. I always enjoy having visitors, but usually when people come to visit, they stay at our place, which makes it a bit overwhelming after a few days. Having family here is nice, I don't get to see them very often, but it really reminds me how different I am. My life has taken a very different path than the rest of my family, but I am very happy with it.

All of these decisions and situations help with my personal growth. I like that I can look at an event in my life and extract something from it. I know many people who make decisions that have negative or adverse effects on their life, so it is comforting to know that I consciously make decisions that will directly improve the qualify mine.

Oh yea, the fast update

Oh yea, I finished my fast last night. Essentially made it 48 hours with only water. I did make a pure vegetable juice drink (carrot, celery, cucumber, cabbage, garlic, almost threw up, 'twas gross) at the 30th hour. But technically I still fasted (water/juice fast combination, whatever). And actually by the end of the 48 hours, I wasn't even hungry. I only ate because I knew my preset time was up and I had earlier while I was really hungry and daydreaming about food made a list of stuff I wanted when the fast was over. The worst part was right after the end of the first day, I was really weak for a few hours, but that went away after a bit. All in all, not that bad. It's just awfully hard to resist food when everyone is eating all sorts of stuff. Even stuff I don't like became tempting...

Some ranting

So the Republican National Convention ended. I didn't watch much of it, but from what I understand many people were impressed and very happy with Dubya's acceptance speech. They said it told them what they needed to hear, and gave them a "good" feeling about him the direction he wants to take our country.

So he gave a good speech, he impressed people. Isn't that what the speech is supposed to do? There was emotion is his eyes, he almost teared when talking about the war. Couldn't it all be part of the plan? In my opinion it doesn't really mean shit, because the candidates go into the speech knowing this is what they're supposed to do. Does it mean that the next four years are going to lay out like the speech did, and have a feel good ring to them? Personally I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore. I think he's a man who has been tainted by money, excess, and religion.

He claims that he wants to simplify the tax code. I really doubt that will ever happen. He says his previous tax cuts (which were the biggest for the wealthiest) stimulated the economy. I don't think that if I was a wealthy American that an extra few percent would really change my spending habits, do you? I personally know more unemployed people now than I ever have. Coincidence? Possibly. Of course the same could be said for Kerry. He's wishy-washy. He lies. It's a typical story.

Since I plan to spend time abroad at some point during the next presidential term, one of my major issues is the way America looks in the eye of the world. Some say who cares, we need to look out for our interests at home. Well, if I was to be traveling now under the present circumstances, I would be a little worried about anti-American sentiment. First of all, I think a change in our government is needed to protect our interests here, and I also think a change could show to the world that we are ready to improve our image as a world leader.

And the whole thing about being safer now than before 911? What crap! The only way to be safer is to stop giving terrorists reasons to hate us. And the primary reason terrorists hate us is because they don't like what we stand for. So by going into an area with supposed ties to terrorism, starting a war, and then coming up with a Terror Alert System, are we safer? Let me think about that for a minute.

I suppose to stop giving extremists reasons to hate us, we'd have to go back pretty far in American history, so maybe that's not an option. But what about maybe a combination of the new Terror Alert System, and then ending the war and withdrawing troops from certain high profile areas? Then I might agree that we could be safer here (and called sissies by some). I mean, aside from Iraq and Afghanastan, do we really need a military presence in Israel or the Phillipines or where ever the hell else people are angry about? I'm sure for political reasons, the answer to that is yes. Anyway, I've digressed...

Day 2

OK. So this fast is already starting to get to me. I was fine until about an hour ago. It's been exactly 24 hours since I last ate. All morning I wasn't really even hungry, but I was beginning to crave food, just because I was denying it to myself. It's weird, even though I know my goal is two days, I look at food like I might never have it again. I just want to take everything that's remotely good and have a little bit of all of it. But I remind myself that it's still going to be available to me 24 hours from now. They just had ice cream in the breakroom here, and I really wanted some. But if I was to eat now I would disappoint myself. What I really want is some spaghetti with hearty meatballs, some Santa Fe style turkey burgers, nacho salad, wine and cheese and crackers, and a serving of some nice fresh greek food. Maybe this weekend. I've already made plans to go get Italian food. Mmm. But I really want to do this. Once I get home tonight I'll be fine. And then tomorrow at 2:00 is my deadline. After that I can eat without letting myself down, and I'll have successfully fasted for 48 hours. Really closer to 60 if you consider that I only ate fruit the day before I started.