Reflections

Sometimes life is strange. I'm back in Connecticut, where I grew up, where I lived for 22 years. Almost 4 years ago exactly I moved to the West Coast. Now life in Connecticut is not so normal to me. I understand it, but I don't think I could come back to it. Once you've left somewhere and seen more, it's strange to step back to the way things were earlier.

I am always reminded of this when I return home to visit my family and the few friends with whom I keep in touch. I live in a different world now, San Diego is about as far as you can get from Connecticut while still in the United States. But after you've seen more, you only desire to see more. I still feel like there is so much out there for me to see, do, and experience. And I read plenty of blogs and books to see that what I've seen and done is insignificant.

But upon returning to visit, things here in CT are much as they were four years ago for the people who still live here and haven't left, or have left only to return. I cannot return because I am seeking more. But when I return and converse with those who have never left I realize that things are different for different people. Some people don't seek more, some do but don't ever do anything about it. This only inspires me more.

When I am here one of the things I hear most often is, "I hate it here." I hear this from both family and friends. So why don't you change it? Well, I don't know. I can't. Why? It really makes me wonder. Although really I am no different because I am wanting right now to do more but I don't do it. It's quite ironic.

I am quite conservative with my money, that may be a reason. I don't want to hurt my future by doing too much too soon. But I also don't want to hurt the present by not doing enough soon enough. This is another thing I hear quite often. "I can't do it because I can't afford it." Although I've caught myself saying that too. Life is funny. I want to do it the best way possible, and witnessing these events and writing this post are all part of the process of inspiring and reminding of what there is and what can be done.

My view of the holidays

I have very mixed feelings about the holidays. I really hate how they are marketed and how you are bombarded with advertisements convincing you how you need to buy this and buy that to have a good holiday. If I could have it my way I would buy nothing, and just enjoy the season. Why don't I you say? Because not everyone in my life would agree, and I would basically come out of it being the cold heartless grinch. I don't oppose gift giving, in fact a thoughtful gift bought or made out of the kindness of your heart is great, but that's the catch. Obligatory gift giving is what drives me mad.

I know that probably a majority of gifts are bought and given out of a feeling of obligation. I also know that a majority of people overexceed their means during the holiday season. If you are broke, what is it going to get you to buy someone a $500 dollar TV? A perfect gift to me would be the gift of time or company, or just plain nothing.

Too many people stress out about the holidays, so knowing that someone's gift to me was a chunk of time that they would have wasted shopping for me and a chunk of money that they'll spend the next three months paying back was instead used to relax, I would be a happy man. The joy of the holiday is what is nice, relaxing with a cup of tea, meeting friends for a drink, enjoying holiday lights... Not running through the mall and flipping people off while trying to navigate holiday traffic. That's just shit.

I see how much stuff if just wasted during the holidays, and that annoys me to no end as well. Trees killed just to make tons of wrapping paper, gifts bought and thrown out just to avoid being "that person" without a gift, food bought and made and thrown out just to have plenty for the guests. Something needs to change. We are already a country whose people have too much, consume too much, spend too much, think too little, and all the holidays do for these people is amplify their problems.

Now after this bah humbug spiel, let me say that the holidays are a wonderful time for many. Kindness abounds, generosity brings warmth, families unite, and dreams are fulfilled. Now we just need to tell everyone else about it.

80 degrees to 10 degrees

Today I am getting ready to leave for the holidays. I get to get on a plane and leave the nice comfortable 70 degree southern California sunshine (it was 83 this past weekend) and arrive in Connecticut where if I'm lucky it will be over 10 degrees. But I don't mind. It's a nice change from here.

The thing I've come to like most about Connecticut after not living there for four years is the open space. You might wonder how that's the case, especially with Connecticut being about the same size as San Diego Country, but it is. At night it actually gets dark, with no city lights, and there is open space and rolling hills and trees, all which you don't find along the California coast. Space here is at a premium.

As for the weather, I don't mind it. Now that I get 70 degrees 350 days a year, I can handle a few days of freezing weather. It's a nice change from Southern California.

A lesson in simplicity

This article discusses the lives of a few students at UCSD, who live in their vehicles ... by choice. You may ask yourself why? Or if you're like me, you may find it intriguing.

I'm always looking for ways to simplify, not that I want to go to the extremes that these people have, but rather ways to make day to day life easier. Many people like to surround themselves with things, mostly material goods, but when I look around I see clutter. I also see options, which can be good, but they can also distract you from more important things.

In fact, there are times when I look around at what I have and I wonder. Why? A TV, a computer, a cell phone, plenty of clothes, and on and on... The part that saddens me is that with all I have, I know that I have less and desire less than your ordinary American. I see how disposable our society, how careless we are. I see people buy unnecessary stuff, then realize they don't want it and throw it out. It bothers me. I keep most of my stuff for so long that I get separation anxiety when it wears out and needs to be thrown out. I am meticulous about sorting garbage and recycling, I reuse bags for my lunches that I bring to work, I bring bags back to the grocery store so they can be recycled, I turn off the water when I shave and brush my teeth. I do my part. Could I do more? Sure.

So this is why it is intriguing and refreshing to see these people live in their cars by choice. I don't think I would go to those extremes, but can you imagine how simple life would be? The less you have, the less there is to keep track of, and the more each thing that you do have means to you. Everyone should take a look at their lives and consider what the stuff they have actually means to them.

Well I did join blogexplosion thinking it would be cool, but I have to say so far it hasn't been that great. I've gotten a few people to visit my site, but I'm guessing since the picture right at the top of my page was a dog pissing on a bush campaign sign it might turn people the wrong way. Strangely, after visiting probably at least 30 blogs, any one that let on to the their political leanings was a bush supporter. Weird. Especially since most of the other blogs I've come across before blog explosion were all left leaning...

And I have to comment on something I saw on one user's blog. He had the following thing, which updates continuously and says:

War was declared on the United States of America 1,186 days, 7 hours, 48 minutes and 50 seconds ago.

To that I saw to say, great, what's the point? If the person is talking about a war on the US by terrorists, that didn't happen on September 11th. That happened much earlier than that. But good try. And secondly, I'm assuming that it's insinuating that Osama and Al Qaeda declared this war. OK. So why are we in Iraq? Again, this is all based on the fact that the person was a bush supporter and my having made the assumption that it follows that they support the war in Iraq.

Just had to get that off my chest.

While I'm thinking of it...

An interesting question

My previous post poses an interesting question. I often wonder why some people so easily settle for things while some are always seeking more. Example. I work a 9 to 5 job, 40 hours a week, and I'll be the first to admit that I'm not totally content with that situation. But others who I work with, who do very similar tasks, love the job and you can sit it in dealing with them on a daily basis. They are the ones who make the office a fun (relatively) place to work, and I'm certainly not mocking them for doing so. They are truly the ones who make working somewhat enjoyable. But sometimes it seems to me that they enjoy it too much. Do they not see that they are just a cog in the big wheel? Or maybe they do see it and that is ok. Maybe I'm the one missing something.

What makes certain people content to be on call for someone else, working day in and day out without thinking twice? And why are others so discontent with the same situation?

Life

What is life? What does it mean to live? Not to live as in making it through another day, but living as in squeezing the most out of every day and every experience and being happy each day and feeling confident and successful with what you have and what you've done and what you can look forward to. That's what living means to me.

Do most people think this is the definition of living? Probably not, since so few abide by it. Some people feel that life is defined by what they surround themselves with. Cars, home(s), toys, all sorts of material possessions. People collect things, have passions for things. Maybe living is defined by passion. So is my passion to experience things? To me sitting around with movies and video games day after day is not living. To me experiencing things is living. Being active is living.

So am I living life? By my definition, not fully. Do most people live life? I don't think so. Do some. Yes. Scott lives. Andy lives. I think that modern society has turned "life" into something artificial. Most people have grown up thinking about what they need to do to be "successful", which in the current day is really an artificial goal that doesn't satisfy any innate human need. Being "successful" is going to a job, making money, buying things, and repeating the cycle.

I was talking to someone about how I handle money, because as anyone who knows me will tell you, I am very conservative when it comes to my finances. I spend a lot of time working, so I want to get something for my money. To me getting something out of it is not a trip to the mall. To me getting something is traveling, seeing a new place, an experience. I don't like spending money on material goods, but on the other hand, I have no problem spending money when I'm getting an experience from it. So I'll save my money until I get enough to buy myself an experience. Others feel the opposite. They work hard for their money, so they want something in return for it. That trip to the mall and their new clothes are their reward.

I am pretty simple by most standards, so if I was only working to buy "things", I would just assume work less and have more time. But in that regard and by my standards, I would make less money and therefore be able to buy fewer experiences, and I would be stuck in the same place repeatedly. So I guess I am caught in a catch 22. And therefore my definition of living that I have set for myself is my justification for working and sacraficing now.

Don't misunderstand me, I enjoy what I have and I am happy as things are, but I resist many material things that I don't really need to remind myself that those things don't define my existance, they mostly get in the way. I always try to maintain an optimistic outlook, I try to squeeze what I can from each day (of course this standard is defined differently by everyone), I try to see the good of each situation, reminding myself that these things are all experiences and part of the journey.

In the past I've been told that I focus too much on the future. Saving money for later and thinking about what lies ahead, almost forgetting that there is a now. Now I try to walk the fine line, still saving, waiting, hoping, anticipating, but reminding myself that while doing that, I must remember to live, that each day is part of the experience of life.

I would say that by my definition I am living life to about 70% capacity. I am happy with most things in my life, and I am living when it comes to those things, but there are parts I hope to change and I constantly try to work on, in order to get myself to be at 100%. The things that need the most attention are work (less) and travel/adventure (more). I've also come to realize that my obsession with travel and experiencing things is partially fantasy. I'm not the kind of person who could be doing something all the time. I need the security and the down time. But weeklong "experiences" every now and again to prevent burnout would certainly do the trick.

the holidays

I haven't blogged in a few days, I'm starting to get busier as the holidays creep closer. Even though I'm not big on gifting and celebrating and all that, it just always seems that more is going on this time of year. The holiday parties, gatherings, all that good stuff. I'm one of those "Christmas is too commercialized" people, but of course the people around me aren't so I have to walk the line. I could do without the gifts and the hubub, and just call it a time for family (although mine all lives 3000 miles away, but my girlfriend's family is near by), but when everyone around you involves themselves in it, you have to be cordial, ya know?

In fact I feel a bit strange saying I celebrate Christmas, seeing as I'm not much of a religious fellow. But then again, I think it would be safe to say a decent majority of people overlook the religious aspect of it. This year I've been trying to call it "The holidays" rather than Christmas, but my girlfriend laughs at me. Oh well. I won't get into my disdain for commercialized holidays, if you are curious where I stand, read through my archives and you can probably get the gist of it. Or I can make it easier for you and say I think our country has gone way overboard and most people's priorities are way out of whack. But I won't say all, because I know quite a few people who get a sincere good feeling about the holidays, and gift giving, and all that jazz... Really it's the overconsumption and mass consumerism that I have a problem with.

Ahh, the joy of the holidays!