Friday, May 19, 2006
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
It's that time again
Time for me to ponder why I'm not content. I've written about it before, and before I continue, let me explain that I'm not unhappy, I've certainly got a lot to be happy about, I'm just not content with my career. I feel unfulfilled. The problem is that each day, sometimes while I'm at work, sometimes when I'm on my way home, and sometimes while I'm at home, I have this nagging feeling, or maybe it's a voice, in the back of my head telling me that I'm not doing what I should be doing.
I've thought for a while it was about not wanting to grow up, or maybe having a wanderlust and wanting to travel, or to be more spontaneous, but I think what it comes down to is my career path. The problem is that I did things for the most part by the book. Went to college, finished in four years, moved across the country, found a job in my field, and began working. But after a few years, I started to feel that it wasn't quite right. Which lead me to my new job, which I've now learned was not a fix, but instead a patch. I think I've reached a point where I'm realizing that my chosen career is not the best fit for me. But I also think that our society is partly to blame.
What I've come to realize is that most people have similar feelings, but like me, they repress them, second guessing their feelings, and assuming that what society has told them is correct. Because hey, I, and they as well, have achieved what we worked for. We have our cars, our jobs, our responsibilities, and dammit, that's the goal. But the truth is that one day I'm going to have to call "bullshit" on society. Because society is wrong. What society has told me and my fiance and the rest of the people like me is exactly what we all have. Too many responsiblities, too much stress, and not enough happiness.
The 9-5 doesn't make us happy. The nice car doesn't make us happy. Worrying about money doesn't make us happy. But we worry about money because money buys things that make us happy. And even though I know that that's a lie I have been taught to worry about it. And it fucking drives me crazy!
I have always just figured that my path was right, but the timing was wrong, that the problem was that I needed time. That's why I want to get away, to travel, to dream of exotic lands. And my conclusion isn't that these things aren't important to me and aren't worth pursuing, but rather that these things are just distractions for me to suppress my present issue with the direction of career. I've realized that the fix isn't a trip, it's not a new city, or a new job... It's finding what will make me smile when the day is done, finding a career that fills me passion, and not criticism. I've realized that while I am good at writing computer software, I am not passionate about it. I am passionate about the environment, I am passionate about nature, I am passionate about wanting to protect these things, I feel good about making socially responsible financial decisions, I feel good about making environmentally responsible food purchases. So now that I have identified these things, I need to redirect my career. That part may take some time.
I've thought for a while it was about not wanting to grow up, or maybe having a wanderlust and wanting to travel, or to be more spontaneous, but I think what it comes down to is my career path. The problem is that I did things for the most part by the book. Went to college, finished in four years, moved across the country, found a job in my field, and began working. But after a few years, I started to feel that it wasn't quite right. Which lead me to my new job, which I've now learned was not a fix, but instead a patch. I think I've reached a point where I'm realizing that my chosen career is not the best fit for me. But I also think that our society is partly to blame.
What I've come to realize is that most people have similar feelings, but like me, they repress them, second guessing their feelings, and assuming that what society has told them is correct. Because hey, I, and they as well, have achieved what we worked for. We have our cars, our jobs, our responsibilities, and dammit, that's the goal. But the truth is that one day I'm going to have to call "bullshit" on society. Because society is wrong. What society has told me and my fiance and the rest of the people like me is exactly what we all have. Too many responsiblities, too much stress, and not enough happiness.
The 9-5 doesn't make us happy. The nice car doesn't make us happy. Worrying about money doesn't make us happy. But we worry about money because money buys things that make us happy. And even though I know that that's a lie I have been taught to worry about it. And it fucking drives me crazy!
I have always just figured that my path was right, but the timing was wrong, that the problem was that I needed time. That's why I want to get away, to travel, to dream of exotic lands. And my conclusion isn't that these things aren't important to me and aren't worth pursuing, but rather that these things are just distractions for me to suppress my present issue with the direction of career. I've realized that the fix isn't a trip, it's not a new city, or a new job... It's finding what will make me smile when the day is done, finding a career that fills me passion, and not criticism. I've realized that while I am good at writing computer software, I am not passionate about it. I am passionate about the environment, I am passionate about nature, I am passionate about wanting to protect these things, I feel good about making socially responsible financial decisions, I feel good about making environmentally responsible food purchases. So now that I have identified these things, I need to redirect my career. That part may take some time.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Tips for a "new" apartment dweller?
Well, it's been a while since I last blogged. Big news though. We got a new apartment. It's one block away from the world famous Balboa Park and the San Diego Zoo, and the unit we're moving into is a 1 bedroom with over 1000 square feet! We're really excited.
Also, we picked the location of our new place for it's proximity to more things. (Unfortunately not the beach, we are actually moving away from the beach... sad) I will be able to ride my bike to work downtown, and my goal is to not have to use my car except for certain errands and trips out of the area. Take that oil companies! Not only will I get a sweet farmers tan while riding my bike around, but I'll get in better shape and save money as well.
The other downside is that we're losing the small yard we have... Which means my days of making a stinky compost outside are over, as are my days of outdoor gardening. I've gotten into composting lately, and have been amazed at how much trash we have cut down on. We probably now produce only 1 or 2 small bags of garbage per week now. But ... I am going to attempt to continue to compost inside, and also the new place is much brighter and has more windows, so I'm going to attempt to set up a nice indoor garden to grow some herbs and veggies and stuff.
Anyone live in an apartment and have any gardening/composting tips?
Also, we picked the location of our new place for it's proximity to more things. (Unfortunately not the beach, we are actually moving away from the beach... sad) I will be able to ride my bike to work downtown, and my goal is to not have to use my car except for certain errands and trips out of the area. Take that oil companies! Not only will I get a sweet farmers tan while riding my bike around, but I'll get in better shape and save money as well.
The other downside is that we're losing the small yard we have... Which means my days of making a stinky compost outside are over, as are my days of outdoor gardening. I've gotten into composting lately, and have been amazed at how much trash we have cut down on. We probably now produce only 1 or 2 small bags of garbage per week now. But ... I am going to attempt to continue to compost inside, and also the new place is much brighter and has more windows, so I'm going to attempt to set up a nice indoor garden to grow some herbs and veggies and stuff.
Anyone live in an apartment and have any gardening/composting tips?