To be free

I went down to the beach by my house after I got home from work, and as I sat on the jetty watching the sun go down and what seemed like hundreds of surfers, I looked over to Dog Beach, which is right at the end of the beach next to the jetty where I was sitting. The dogs were running through the sand and the surf, chasing balls, and sniffing butts. If they were capable of smiles I'm sure they all would have been wearing shit eating grins. And it just made my evening, watching all the dogs running around just loving life. I get the same feeling of happiness when I watch my cat stretched out on the ground without a care in the world. She will look up at me, stretch her paw out towards me, meow, and roll over.

What a feeling it must be to live like that. Without cares, without knowing what they might look like, without wondering what others are thinking of them - just pure life in that moment. It may sound silly, but I feel like we have a lot to learn from these animals who most consider inferior to people. They have a purity and an innocence to them, kind of like kids, they have no real fears, no concept of proper, no feelings of taboo, just whatever goes through their brain is what happens. It is primitive, yes, but it is pure and most of the time it is a beautiful thing.

On a side note, about the same time, I saw a girl in pants and a tank top walk straight up to the water, kick it to make a splash, roll up her pants, walk up to her knees and just stand there. Then she kicked more water and spun around, then proceeded to jump over the wave as it came it. She went a little deeper, and you could tell her clothes were getting wet, but she just kept kicking and splashing. She didn't seem to care less that she looked silly and childlike, but she looked like she was having a great time. It was another beautiful moment. The sun went down, she jumped in the water to make another splash, and then walked back up the beach, to the parking lot, and got into her car. What a wonderful way to end the day.

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I'm not dead.

Some of these days over the past month I kinda wish I was (not really) though. Life has taken a drastic turn away from what I expected. No one has died, no one has a terminal illness, but things are seriously different. More later, maybe, if I feel like sharing.

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warm fuzzy

You know how every now and then something happens and you get a warm fuzzy feeling, or you feel suddenly inspired to change your life or your direction, or even try to change the way you live on a daily basis? Maybe a book, an article, an encounter, a new friend, a conversation. And then for a day or two you are on a high thinking of all the new possibilities... And then a few weeks go by and not a thing has changed, the feeling is gone. Well I want to know how to preserve that feeling long enough to make real change.

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Thoughts

quit

v., quit or quit·ted (kwĭt'ĭd), quit·ting, quits.

• To depart from; leave


• To give up; relinquish

This word has such a negative connotation. No one wants to be a quitter, it's an insult.

I think often about the day I will be able to quit my job, but it scares me to death. Not because I'd worry about myself, but because of the type of person I'd be categorized as ... a quitter. Such an American word.

If I came into money or had a good reason to quit, I'd probably be more nervous about telling my boss I quit than I would about my own life. I fantasize about the day I can walk out and never come back. And if I ever left, it would be because that is what is best for me. Whether it was for another job, or to take time off, or to pursue something different, it would be new, better, and exciting. But I know people wouldn't understand. My boss would wonder why I walked away from "such a great opporutunity." Fuck great opportunities. Great opportunity to me is living life, having freedom, and not wasting time in an office all day. I believe these things with 100% of my being, but I am such a product of our society that my conscience tells me I would be a quitter and be making a bad decision to take my own advice.

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